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Painfully Beautiful

The most significant of moments often manifest in the most unassuming of circumstances. The accidental slip of “I love you” on the slow walk home; the sharp pinch of he was here and then, in a blink, he was not; the unexplainable urge to finally do the unimaginable as you tie your shoe laces.

Perhaps the most rational observation of life is that life is irrational. It unfolds in increments, some larger and some smaller than others, but bit by bit, it is woven. It is a myth, then, to think that life is linear — only aging is. The action of living itself is upside down and back to front.

There is a moment in most people’s lives when you realise that this is it; there is no age where life magically makes sense. In fact, I dare say that the older you get, the more confused you become. The only difference is that confusion gradually becomes a place we feel comfortable sitting in. Questions become less about being answered and more about being acknowledged; life becomes less about being conquered, and more about being experienced. And whilst those certain days sit heavy and certain days will again be heavier, that heaviness is part of the process. Without it, life’s very lightness cannot be recognised.

It was a Tuesday afternoon when I decided to break a decade of silence. And yet the quotidian continued, uninterrupted; the uncomfortableness recognised and accepted; and this little instant in time assimilated into the journey. And when the uncomfortableness remains overwhelming as it so often does, there is comfort in knowing that every soul that has come before us, has felt the same pain as you might in this very moment. Without it, we would not have words and culture, history and future, love and passion. Pain is part of the whole. Emotion is not monolithic.

And so, when, in those modest and unremarkable moments something conceited and remarkable occurs, as unrealistic as it might feel in that very second, in time we must learn to accept it for what it is: a fact of life and a fact in our journey.

Today our present is what matter the most. Build from the facts of before and live today to shape the facts of tomorrow. But regardless of whatever razored moments pierce the everyday, you are human and I too am human — and what a wonderfully, painfully beautiful thing that is.

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