38. Quitting Drawing 2.0

It is the 10th of March, morning. Around 8:19 AM. Friday. And I’m still doing it. What a surprise, right? The guy did 37 entries so far, at least one entry every day. What are the chances he would drop it all of a sudden? I would say still rather high, but so far, I’m digging it. Feeling it. Finding some comfort in typing out every day my thoughts or whatever things are on my mind.

So, why did I bring up the chances of quitting all of a sudden? There’s a reason. A few weeks ago, on my Instagram (yeah, I have one, posted two things and ditched it since just don’t understand all this instagram-tic-toc-whatever-there-is thing), I mentioned that I’m trying to draw again. Even bought a fancy ink pen. Yellow. I tried to do it every day, and by the 5th day or 6th, I think I had ditched the idea of drawing again. Not because I don’t like drawing, it just seems a little bit tedious to me to do something every day just because. And drawing, unfortunately, doesn’t look to me like something I want to do every day, no matter what. It’s like playing guitar — I’m doing it when I’m feeling it. And if I’m not feeling it — well, okay, good luck next time. And I say it as messed up in the head imbecile who religiously practiced guitar at least one hour per day for ten years. Good thing — give me any track, and I can jam over it with no sweat (predominantly pentatonic and a few other modes, names of which I forgot completely), bad thing — I forgot almost everything and rely completely on my muscle memory which isn’t this diverse in terms of things I still remember. But at least my speed is still there, yep, it’s still there.

But back to drawing. I did every day and realized that’s not what I wanted. I mean, I still love to draw, to doodle, but putting some kind of pressure to do it every day — eh, seems unnecessarily complicated. While writing every day, I see it as a way to progress, experiment, or just keep myself in some kind of shape (the goal is clear: I want to be a professional wannabe writer, and to do that, you have practice-practice-practice). Unfortunately, drawing isn’t it.

I don’t know, I don’t want to be the kind of guy who gives up (and those who know me know I gave up a lot of times, quit more times than it was necessary), but sometimes you just have to estimate everything, accept it as it is and move on with your life. And I know how it goes for me — I see something cool, like the last time I saw Kim Jung Gi (just checked his name, and turned out he died last year, what the fuck, man) and how he drew from the memory and with nothing but his ink pen and how cool it all looked. And I saw this, and I said — alright, I want to be able to draw at least 1/4 as good as he. I think all of us experienced it at some point in our lives. We see something that inspires us, jump on the train, and then face the harsh reality — it requires some serious work, dedication, time, passion, and motivation (even though I’m not a big believer in motivation as a primary driver of the art). And there it’s either to be devastated and quit, buckle up and work hard, and then be devastated because there’s always at least one Asian better in whatever you’re doing, and he’s like 7, or you can accept it as a grown-up man and quit, or work hard and be ready for an extreme dose of whatever happens, happens and it is what it is and come whatever may and other cool phrases which basically mean the same thing. I chose the next way to quit — I half-quit. Like I’m quitting, but I’m not sure 100% that I quit. Like you know, unsure kind of quitting. Like one leg is there, and the other is here. Fun way.

And this means what it means — I’m not quitting drawing completely. No freaking way. I’ll do it (after all, I bought a cool pen, and I also have an iPad with their iPencil or whatever they call it, so I have to draw at least something from time to time and make it public so everyone could have a good laugh, boost of morale and motivation). After all, it could be a source of unexpected outcomes — like you’re drawing a man, and instead, you drew a bottle of spicy sauce. Honest mistake happens to the best of us. Besides, I’m a strong believer in doing things the easy way in art — if you have to work too hard or get angry, confused, and frustrated, you’re doing something wrong. Ah, and also, I think I wrote something different, like it’s alright when it’s hard, and you push yourself and whatever. You know what — it all depends on the mood, or the moon, stars, and sun’s position in the universe. Or I’m just a hypocrite (won’t exclude this one).

Alright, it’s time to wrap it up, have my late breakfast, drink some coffee, and go to work. Corporate things won’t complete themselves (actually, they will, but to my surprise, some people still think they are some kind of irreplaceable bricks in the wall… Pink Floyd reference, anyone?). Thanks for reading, expect some crappy drawing. Bye!

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